Your mom loves slot machines. I don’t have to know much about you to know this is likely true.
Moms love slots! I’m not making this up out of thin air. You can read the facts about slot machine demographics all over the place and find it for yourself. By far, the most common demographic for slot machine play is women over the age of 35.
Take a stroll through your closest gambling hall and confirm my opinion for yourself. Anecdotally speaking, women of a certain age take up a big chunk of the seats in the machine gaming area.
There are a couple of caveats—plenty of women play table games and poker or bet on games in the sportsbook. And plenty of men (myself included) love slot machine games.
This post isn’t to stereotype anyone or make ungrounded generalizations. I’d generally like to take a few minutes to explain to people five solid reasons why their mom loves slot machine gambling.
Reason #1 – She’s Smarter Than You
Your mom is smart. She raised you, tolerated your inconsistencies and your quirks, and did her best to mold you into the person you are right this very moment. No doubt, she raised other kids, even if by “other kids” I just mean your friends and other knuckleheads in your neighborhood. She’s a smart woman. And that’s why she loves slot machines.
Slots offer so many advantages over other forms of gambling. For one thing, they’re more accessible. It’s not hard to find a legal slot machine regardless of where you are in America.
Think of the experience your mom might have at a typical craps table—which we’ve already said is probably inaccessible to your poor mother, anyway. It’s kind of a boring game. The lighting is dark, somebody has a nasty cigar going, and the rules and slang terms thrown around at the craps table are intentionally opaque and obscure.
She may not understand the bets she places or the results, at least not without some good amount of practice. The bets are really big relative to the affordable slots she’s used to. It’s a mess for her.
Reason #2 – She’s More Fun Than You
I’m going to let you in on a secret that everybody around you knows except for you: Your mom is probably more fun than you are.
She’s more fun at parties because she doesn’t get drunk and start talking politics. She’s more fun on birthdays because her gifts are more meaningful. She’s more fun on vacation because she’s just happy to be away with her family. She’s just more fun, and everybody knows it!
This is also likely why she prefers real money slot machines. What game in the casino is more fun than an old-school fruit game at 50 cents per spin? Send me a couple of virgin daiquiris and I’ll stay busy for hours watching those cherries bounce around. Moms tend to be the exact same way. Understand this and you’ll understand her a little better.
What game in the casino draws a better crowd than a slot after a big jackpot? The sounds, the sights, they’re all designed to attract the everyday gambler. There’s no veil of pseudo sophistication on this side of the casino floor, just bright lights and loud alarms and a quick payday.
What game in the casino is as addictive as a slot machine? Wild symbols, scatters, free spins, and bonus rounds make for a dizzying dopamine and serotonin buffet, and your mom is looking for as much bang for her buck as she can find. And speaking of money, let’s talk about your poor mother’s bankroll for a second.
Reason #3 – She Knows How to Budget Her Money
It doesn’t make sense to spend money you don’t have chasing a slot machine jackpot, and that’s absolutely not what your mom is doing. Mom knows how to budget her money, and that’s how she built her gambling bankroll—years of penny-pinching and doing with less for herself so you could have more. And you should feel bad about that.
Slots can be among the most affordable games in the casino, if a person knows how to stick to more advantageous situations and avoid games with low return percentages.
If your mom sticks to the highest-possible RTP games she can find, she’s probably only losing around 3% of her bankroll during her session. That $1,000 stack she saved up will last her a lot longer at a 3% loss than, say, a few hours at a roulette wheel. Even though she sticks to even money bets on roulette, she’s still going to lose about 5.26% of her stack during her session.
You want your mother to have less time gambling, and lose more money along the way? Convince her to give up her slot machines.
Reason #4 – She’s Too Busy Cleaning Up to Travel
Table games are generally the domain of the brick-and-mortar casino. More specifically, you’re unlikely to find a decent table game if you’re not in Louisiana, Nevada, or New Jersey.
Machine-based gambling, meaning slot and video poker machines, are the everyman of the casino industry. Available within an hour’s drive of most people in America, simpler casinos (tribal or commercial) tend to host plenty of machine games and offer light numbers of table-style gaming, if any at all.
You want your poor mother to spend her hard-earned money and her precious time flying a few hours to Vegas or South Jersey every time she wants to relax and gamble? She’s busy.
A recent survey of the work done by mothers at Salary.com revealed that a fair average salary for women like your mom would be about $163,000. Other careers that pay in that range? Veterinarian, executive chef, and family physician. Your mom is busy working a 40-hour per week job on top of her existing career. Let her gamble just a few miles up the road.
Reason #5 – She Deserves a Jackpot
I’m not sure there’s a more thrilling moment on the casino floor than a huge slot machine payout. Between the audio-visual stuff, the casino employee approaching you in a serious manner, the crowd that gathers, and the size of the check, it’s on my top-10 must-experience casino moments.
I know of at least one really great mom slot machine payout—a clean $28 million won all at once by a former airline attendant (and mom and grandmother) who decided on a whim to triple her usual betting unit on a Megabucks machine at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino. That could’ve been your mother’s whim.
Look me in the eyes and tell me your mom doesn’t deserve the kind of payday that a slot machine jackpot can provide.
You’ve trusted your mom with so many big decisions. She was right about the Boy Scouts (it did get really nerdy really fast), she was right about your mullet (I know you still regret that class photo), and she’s right about slot machines.
Get over your gambling snobbery. Pump a few bucks into your nearest slot. Experience the accessibility, the value, the entertainment of a modern slot machine, then come back and tell me you didn’t have a blast.
And as always, don’t forget to call your mother! She’d love to hear from you.